Bienaventurado

It's already 4 AM, another day
That I won't sleep
I don't know if it's insomnia or what
I drink a lot of coffee

I grab my phone to check some
Notifications
With all this stress piling up
My prayers have dwindled
I've never stopped believing even though
Sometimes my faith wavers

Or am I the only one whose life
Turns to shit?
I remember asking if God was
On vacation
I'd be dead today if they killed
All opinions

I only questioned God about
My son
Job was better than me and the day
He was born, he cursed

I've been strong but sometimes
I can't take it anymore and I break
And I wish I could die like Elijah
Under that juniper tree

The same man who made
Fire come down from heaven
Who would’ve thought that just days later
He'd be this sad and without comfort?

What about Jeremiah who
Cried with bitter tears?
Yet, he cried out and God
Took charge of him

So even if I don't understand, I
Just obey
Because if we look closely, I deserve
Worse things

And I’m not ashamed to hear them say
What a confused person
I don’t know how God uses me on this
Rollercoaster

Just like with David, He’s had
A lot of patience
Despite my recklessness, He hasn’t
Withdrawn His presence

Though I can’t deny I’m
Facing my consequences
Of His unconditional love, I am
More than evidence

Many tell me not to be sincere
Watch your appearance
You should have several filters so you
Can be trending

I do everything I can to be
A good reference
But if I’m not good when I’m
Alone, then what’s the difference?
I imagine they must say that I complain
Too much

That I have a heavenly father, so
I hope He answers me
And I’m almost sure that you hear me
Too

What will He answer us? Ah
I know that very well
Because as time goes by
I understood that I wouldn’t understand

Neither His incomprehensible love nor
His sovereignty
That no matter how much I ask and pray
With all my heart

Only if it’s His will, He’ll heal
My little one
A thousand questions, zero answers
From heaven, no one answers

And even if faith sometimes falters, today
I am blessed
Today I confess how heavy
My process has been

But blessed is he who
Finds no stumbling block in you
Today like the widow before the judge
I might insist more

Or like John the Baptist
I won’t even resist
Today I won’t have an answer, that’s why
Anxiety wraps me

Like Jesus didn’t have when He said
Let this cup pass from me
There are questions without answers
That will hurt to the bone

But blessed is he who
Finds no stumbling block in you
A thousand questions, zero answers
From heaven, no one answers

And even if faith sometimes falters, today
I am blessed
Today I echo the one
Who cried out without ceasing

Yet, they never saw a miracle in his
Family, sick with cancer
Today I echo the one unjustly
Condemned

And his eyes never saw divine justice
Today I echo those parents
Who had to bury
Their children with a million questions

To this day, none have
Been answered
Today I echo the one
In the wheelchair

The blind, the deaf, the mute,
Who still waits
For their miracle but it doesn’t come
Today I echo the one who serves

The owner of gold and silver
Yet, poverty surrounds him
Today I echo those people

Who have so many questions
But no answers
As Jesus said: Blessed
Is he who finds no stumbling block
Matthew 11:6