No Soporto El Rap

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
too much blood on the news,
only one letter in my mailbox,
from my bank, TELLING ME NO;
my wife ran off with a lawyer
who pays for her vices, "WHO WINS YOU THE LAWSUITS".

And you, what's your deal? Who are you calling old?
I tell the jerk behind the mirror;
I'm a tough guy with iron will
who hits the streets challenging the future.
And steps on dog poop on the sidewalk,
and I arrive at work a bit late, and the boss
kicks me in the ass and tells me to fuck off.

And the chorus says: "I'M GLAD, MOVE FORWARD
THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE IS NOT FOR SINGERS".

So I head to the phoniatrist's office
who tells me I'll never be Frank Sinatra.
And defeated, I go out into the night again
and the damn tow truck took my car.

To celebrate, I order another drink
and a friend vomits on my clothes;
and it rains, and a taxi that looks like a boat
runs me over and leaves me sitting in a puddle.

And struggling, I make it to the casino
to tempt fate in the form of a roulette wheel,
and fate pays me back by leaving me broke
reeking of wine and with fourteen cents.

And seeing that the world has me in checkmate
I decide to handle it alone in the toilet
and, while I relieve myself in that way,
I get a huge pinch on a testicle
with the new zipper pull,
and suddenly feel an annoying tickle
from my fly to the top of my head:
and I discover I have crabs!
and I scratch, and I shave, and I cut myself
- as if I didn't have enough, now this.
Bunch of losers chorus: "THIS IS TOO MUCH,
NOT ONLY A CUCKOLD BUT BEATEN".

And when I decide to end this shit
about to hang myself, the rope breaks
and instead of being relieved, I'm left wanting
to travel to hell through that window;
and the chorus says: "A TRUE GENTLEMAN
DOESN'T JUMP INTO THE VOID FROM THE FIRST FLOOR".

And on foot, I end up in Santa Ana Square
to prop up the bar at another nightclub
infested with tourists, drunks, speed freaks,
and a pushy girl comes up to me
saying she's friends with Panchito Varona:
"You look like a good person
looking for a bit of a wild time
WILL YOU INVITE ME TO DO A LINE?"
"I wish I could, darling, I swear
on my mother's honor that I'm broke".
"But cheer up that serious face
you're in for a lucky night, kid".

And in the middle of a hysterical fit,
I land on the dance floor unable to escape
from the smell of bodies
-SWEATING, SWEATING-
from the heat of the lights
-SPINNING, SPINNING-
from my trembling legs,
from my screaming mouth: "Not that,
not that, please, have mercy,
don't you understand that I can't stand rap,
can't stand rap,
can't stand rap?".