Dubbi

Nothing special about my story
My folks weren't doctors or even thieves
Where I'm from, you know, that was already something
The real stars for us were the criminals
No talking at the table, I don't blame them
Odd jobs, eviction, and two kids to support
And saying it is terrible, it's like we don't know each other
What they dreamed of, I can't even imagine
Now she's my shrink, says that normalcy terrifies me
What about family?
Years ago, damn, I would’ve laughed my ass off
I don't fear death, but I'm scared of not living
Not living? Like your folks? You think that?
Living it up now that you’ve got success?
I played my cards
The fight for life is cruel but fascinating
I made it an art, I became part of it
Marracash has an older brother by his side
One who digs into reality, escaping a heavy reality
Trying to make some cash while
Despite the crazy years and all the risks taken
Looking at those big problems that grow enormous
The ugly ones turned into good memories
The ones too ugly, I’ve pushed aside

And the doubts remain, doubts, doubts
Hammering doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts
Doubts, doubts, doubts
Hammering doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts

Years ago, yeah, I was on top, now it’s rare
Still a slave to weed, my stash is low
I have sleep issues more than anything
Without pills, I haven’t slept in ages
How long? she asks, more than four years, don’t look at me funny
I know the label said: Max four weeks
I have strange mood swings and don’t know what causes them
My mind lies, finds new ways to trick me
Your brother has two beautiful kids, when are you deciding?
Love? The love they talk about
I mean holding something tight until it suffocates?
A game where I hurt myself or hurt someone else
I’m forty and have never seen a bond that lasts
A sticky, maternal love, I don’t need it, I don’t want it
For me, it’s just a way to hide from the world
Your brother has two lovely kids, you’ll never have them
No one’s waiting for you or gives a damn how you are
Even this, all of this
Did I really want this? I think about it my whole life
Maybe I don’t believe in the product I’m selling anymore
What a paradox, right? That to be myself
I’m forced to go where I don’t recognize myself
There’s got to be more beyond the glam for the effort
From up here, I think I’ve sacrificed too much
I love chaos, hate that everything’s under control
I don’t want to make money hand over fist
Make me a rich guy who can’t even tie his shoes
It’s obvious, it’s happening right this moment
Smile, my conflict goes straight into his pockets
Drop it all and don’t complain in the song
Maybe making music is the only solution
Maybe there’s no hole that holds your pain
Maybe there’s no escape that leads to freedom
Maybe I was fine among the losers and idealists
Maybe mental health is rich people’s stuff
Maybe to move forward, you shouldn’t listen to yourself
How do others do it? I see them so convinced

And without doubts, doubts, doubts
Everyone without doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts
Everyone, everyone, everyone
Everyone without doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts

Yeah, I’ll take you on a trip, just you and me (Uh-ah-uh)
But if we get personal, I don’t mean the jet
There’s no destination
And I don’t know if we’ll get there (And where?)
There’s no destination
In the blue