Eu(S)

Ahn
Every day I pray for you to disappear
I want to own my life without you holding me back
But you keep insisting on lying to me here
You think after all these years I’m still gonna fall for it?
I just want to lie down and sleep
Without you in my ear saying what I don’t want to hear anymore
Is it too much to ask for what I’m asking?
Without asking me why, just vanish

Poor you
Can you just shut up and not interrupt me?
You always said whatever you wanted, now it’s my turn to speak
Force me and test me to see
Today I won’t regret it
Since we were kids
You did everything to make me follow your path
And you followed, then got fucked over
Yeah, I got fucked and found myself alone

It’s not that simple, it is
Many times I got really close to the end
And seriously, you never even cared about me
I called, you never gave a damn
You were the one who told me to get wasted, to smoke, to snort
I just told you to have fun, but not to go overboard
You tried to run from your problems
And now you want to blame me, fine
You’ve always been a weak, stupid guy craving attention
And none of this shit is on me
It’s on your parents and the damn way you were raised

But you always see me as the villain
And you’re the hero, what a contradiction
When you were high and surrounded by whores
I don’t remember your outrage
But I remember the smile on your face
Of someone who just wants to screw the world
I was lost and aimless in life
Or did you not like that direction?
Always saying: Just one more hit, one more puff, one more drink
Damn, you sober were boring and nobody loved you
I just wanted you to not be such a wuss
A wuss?
I’m still a damn wuss
But full of emotional scars
Mental issues and social struggles
Today I can’t feel real emotions
Rational thoughts, every day feels the same
Your ideas seemed cool
But the results were way too heavy

Wanna know why I became an MC?
To see if someone would give me love
The same love you made sure to destroy
And did you succeed? I did!
And today is there love? Obviously not
How can someone love me when I hate myself?
I think I’m annoying, I think I’m ugly
I don’t like my body, I don’t like my style
Even when I get it right, I see flaws

Of course, you think you’re ugly
Don’t trim that mustache, don’t take care of your hair
You’re full of pimples and your teeth are yellowed
You’re a mess, you never had it together
You kept insisting I cheat
On the only woman in the world who made me smile
You know she won’t find out
And just sleep with some slutty fan willing to lie
I don’t want to be a piece of shit like you
I don’t want to see anyone around me get hurt
Deep down you know you’re not a good guy
Just a bad guy who made sure to change

What choice did I have? Tell me
I was a junkie, crazy, unhappy
My sanity was hanging by a thread
I was gonna end up in a grave or in front of a judge
I just wanted my mom not to see me as a criminal
Or cry at my funeral
Today she sees you as an artist, how nice
At least today, to her, I’m not doing harm

You’re ashamed because you still doubt
Did these choices bring you an escape?
Did you think one day you’d win this race?
Shut your mouth, you don’t know my life
You don’t know what it’s like to live wanting to die
Praying that when you step outside, someone does the good deed of killing you
Because you don’t even have the guts to do it
You don’t know what it’s like to look in the mirror
And be ashamed of what you see, to have doubts when you think
That along the way you’ve fucked so many people
That you don’t know how God still lets you breathe

But I decided to change, I found the courage to try
To turn things around and improve
Today I take care of my body as best as I can
My mind as best as I can
I know one day I’ll get there
Today I’m honest and I work, married and all that
I have reasons to wake up, I have reasons to smile
To love, to go out, to enjoy, to leave, to come back

Today I’m everything I thought I’d never be
I died in your hands and managed to be reborn
You always taught me to never listen to anyone
So I’ll never listen to you again
Goodbye