Ahi, Mi Amor

I will always deny it even to God that sometimes the thought wandering of his
returns to seek you rejoices at the memory.
Then it comes back to exhaust me, mean and stubborn.
And I think of the night that I slept alone
and you, knowing that I was dying alone,
who knows from whose arms you haven't returned
and then I tell myself you never loved me.
And the heart sings it wasn't love.
Ah, my love of that story of ours,
Ah, my love will never understand anything.
Ah, my love with this doubt will remain
all my life I won't know
if you loved me or not.
I remember December, the snow, the people,
and you in the slow, irritating traffic,
blocking the road, you turned off the engine
to tell me you see me I'm dying of love.
The horns were honking like crazy,
we kissed outside the world,
not even three hours from that New Year's Eve
that you didn't come to, playing deceit.
And the heart insinuates it wasn't love.
Ah, my love of that story of ours,
Ah, my love will never understand anything.
Ah, my love with this doubt will remain
all my life I won't know
if you loved me or not.
And then long months when I was feeling bad,
when I couldn't sleep or pray,
the doctor said she wants it
there's a thread, he said, between the mind and the heart.
And then suddenly I saw you close by.
the night and the day a long journey
And when I started smiling again
I turned my head but I was already alone.
And the heart insists it wasn't love.
Ah, my love of that story of ours,
Ah, my love will never understand anything.
Ah, my love with this doubt will remain
all my life I won't know
if you loved me or not.