Ni Estabas Ni Estarás

When I was nothing, no one
Goes to those who were there, hugging me
When time passes and my name is just a memory
For all those I meet along the way and give me warmth
You were not there nor will you be
Where were you when the pain was painted in ochre
When that frustrated teacher called me mediocre?
When I borrowed even for a coffee
In bohemian nights and the DHC brought bouts of schizophrenia
You weren't there feeling the hunger in my pockets
Every dawn beer and cigarettes my only pleasure

When shadows appeared in the hallway
And I suffered insomnia arguing with my angel, my demon
And where were you in that dilemma?
If sorrow is a stratagem against problems in a chain
When hundreds of poems calmed the fever of a weak kid
Now everyone wants photos with the famous
You weren't there if I fell, hurt myself
Killed my faith when my sister left
When lying on my bed I dreamed of working miracles with a mic (and no one)
And no one encouraged me to achieve it
Tell me where were you when anxiety suffocated me when every thought caused nausea?
And every pore of my skin trembled without anyone to hug me and say
Calm down everything will be fine
You weren't there you didn't see, my sad half, nor my mistakes

You weren't a wall against the onslaught
Of contempt of fatigue of prejudice
Today only my sacrifice protects me
In that pain, in that cold
In that fear, that emptiness
In that love when I was a child
In that flame that was fading
Goes to those who offered their shoulder as a pillow
In that pain, in that cold
In that fear, that emptiness
In that resentment towards something of mine
In that friendship that was drifting away
Goes to those who were there and asked for nothing in return
Where will you be when the future turns black
And I cry remembering the triumphs I celebrate today?
Believe it's normal that I don't grow if they call me God
When my rap doesn't convince them they'll say goodbye
And I'll be alone, looking back with a tired gesture
Happy and fulfilled knowing that I gave it all
When the lights go out, the curtain closes
When I'm just another crazy person in my room without inspiration
You won't be there
You won't be a balm for the bad taste
Of my fear of growing old
When the mirror shakes every wrinkle on my naked face
And in the doubts your tenderness
Never comes as help
Where will you be when everyone forgets me?
When I can't give them what they ask for and they turn away
When I'm a lonely man begging for affection
And remember the stage as that perfect place
You won't be there in my weak hours
Nor these pages
Nor this fame that embarrasses me
If time strips me of who I love I hope to wake up
And soar high like an eagle
And you have never been by my side
If I was caught by my ghosts from the past
In that pain that wait
You were not there nor will you be
When I was born nor when I die
When the pain comes, and the cold comes
When the fear comes, the emptiness comes
And the heartbreak flows in my river
When success turns its gaze on me
Goes to those who give me their shoulder as a pillow
When the pain comes, and the cold comes
When the fear comes, the emptiness comes
And I hear the silence of the crowd
When oblivion caresses every step
Goes to those who are there and ask for nothing in return

They say that through words
Pain becomes more tangible
That we can look at it like a dark creature
Even more alien to us
When we feel it closer