Ocho Y Medio

I look at the ceiling that has started dripping again today
It had been a while since it rained like this
And each drop hitting against the metal pots
Makes me think sometimes of blood and other times of you
Which actually amounts to the same thing
Which, out of cruelty, now doesn't matter
Or it could be an angel who once lost faith and was
Expelled, and has come to agonize right above me
Home and these drops are his tears
Or it may be time to come to reason
And understand that within this horror there is no
Literature, no, and you know that well from falling one
And another time into a deadly trap that has lasted
Eight and a half years. I'll be very brief: I love you, and this hurts
And a bird came to perch on my window
It had a broken wing, its plumage was gray and blue
And as I approached my hand and realized that no, it didn't fly away
I immediately knew that you sent it
I took it in my claws and let it die
And when it did, it was still raining here
And the blood dripping between animal claws foreshadowed my
Luck, like a bird that flew from Madrid to Gijón even mortally wounded
Rewriting the spiral of promising to do it right
Of making a new mistake, of not knowing how to ask for forgiveness or asking for it
Too many times
And even though now I spit out a prayer frozen in terror no God
Answers yet
Am I the one who doesn't see or is it that the light hasn't come yet?
I'll be very brief: I miss you, and this hurts

I try to find a way out
But I don't remember how we got in here
And I contemplate beside me the corpse of who I was
According to you, at one time
And it's the damp stain of the mortal wound
Impregnated in the mattress
And now that I hear you cry instead of going to you
I numb myself again and just raise the volume
Of the TV
Or I focus on remembering, so as not to think of you
That I should call someone to come and fix
The damn leak once and for all, as I'm tired of collecting liters of
Gray water, gray like a metal
That once shone and is now dirt
What does one do to love what I wanted to despise already a
And a thousand times?
I'll be very brief: I've lost you, and this hurts