Los Santos Borrachos

When Christ came to our
He came to bind with his Church
Saints and holy ones came down
To throw a painful party

Saint Isidore brought the bread
That wheat has in the ground
And he was planting
When the news came around
Saint Mary Magdalene
Made rich rolls
With the leftovers
From a calf she had

Saint Justa brought the spice
Saint Helena brought the salt
All the other ingredients
Were given by Saint Philomena
And once upon a time
A great cook she was
Beloved by God
She is his dispenser

Saint Crispin was handed
The key to the cellar
Sure that in time
He wouldn’t taste the wine
And out came Saint Crispin
In a miserable state
And the pure wine
Was spilling everywhere

Don Santiago, all pissed off
Seeing that they forgot him
Ordered his horse to be saddled
And strapped on his spurs
And poor Saint Justa
Was knocked down in the sand
And Saint Sebastian
Had his leg broken

He ran into Saint Florentino
Said: I’m going for a race
I’ll run over an old saint
And buried him in the sand
I don’t know if he’s dead
Or if it’s just the drunkenness
I don’t know if he’s faking
Or if it’s the booze
But I’ve heard more
That he’s not breathing anymore

Saint Peter and Saint Francis
Had their differences
With words and replies
They got into a brawl
Saint Teresita
Made a mess
With the big spoon
She hit them on the hips

Saint Peter lost the key
And is digging in the sand
Cursing the jugs
And also the drunkenness
And Saint Anne said to him
You bonehead
Stop messing around
And get your act together