Perdon

It's something that has been haunting me for years
My big flaw, my huge mistake
Thinking it will change
It's something that doesn't let me think
It keeps me up at night because I know this guilt won't go away
I want to do things right for once
Stop feeling guilty
It's been too long
Now things are going to change
My family, what I love the most
Sometimes, what I appreciate the least
I have to let it go
I want to tell you that...

Sorry for being like this
For not knowing how to act right
For answering in such a horrible way
Mom, sorry
For not knowing when to stop and think
For the words I said to you in those moments
Dad, sorry
For not stopping, and reacting like that, really
I swear I want to change
But I can't even if I want to
I'm sorry, I don't know what to do anymore
I love you but I don't know how to show it, damn

Why can't I be with you the way I want to?
I keep hurting you with this way of being
It hurts so much to notice how I leave
And leave a silence that breaks your heart, maybe
I wish you knew that I've always wanted to be by your side
And hug you and tell you how much I love you
I don't know how to apologize in any other way
And hopefully with time everything will change
Because that's all I hope for

Sorry, for being the cause of many tears
For not telling you anything on more than one occasion
Sorry, for not keeping that secret and trusting someone else
I'm sorry, it was a mistake
I never wanted to let you down, I swear, but I fell
And despite hurting you, you were always there
Sorry, it's something that haunts me
And I can't get rid of the demon living inside me
Sorry, I know I must have failed you at some point
But I can't go back to heal the mistake
It's a part of me that doesn't value the love you give me
And even if I try, I can't do better
Sorry, for always hiding in my head
And not counting on your support for fear of not doing it right
I'm sorry, I don't know what to do anymore
It's a persistent struggle against my damn opinion

Why can't I be with you the way I want to?
I keep hurting you with this way of being
It hurts so much to notice how I leave
And leave a silence that breaks your heart, maybe
I wish you knew that I've always wanted to be by your side
And hug you, and tell you how much I love you
I don't know how to apologize in any other way
And hopefully with time everything will change
Because that's all I hope for

I've closed that door so many times and left
With my heart in my throat
Hardly thinking about it
With the door slam in mind
And so aware of my actions
That my punishment is being myself when I try to avoid it
I've caused so many negative things to you
And to the people who expected me to act differently
And so careful not to do things wrong
That it was impossible for everything to end well
And they labeled me as reckless
I've thought so many times about changing radically
My path and my destiny
Maybe to be stronger
But I lie when I want to achieve it
Because I try to make sure my eyes never see what's really true
Forgive my words every time I offended you
Forgive me that day when I walked away from you
Forgive me mom, dad, siblings
I guess this is the price to pay for being human

Why can't I be with you the way I want to?
I keep hurting you with this way of being
It hurts so much to notice how I leave
And leave a silence that breaks your heart, maybe
I wish you knew that I've always wanted to be by your side
And hug you and tell you how much I love you
I don't know how to apologize in any other way
And hopefully with time everything will change
Because that's all I hope for

Sometimes, it's hard to express what one really feels
I find it difficult to express this lump in my throat
I'm aware that my words hurt
I know, I'm the first one to notice it
But I'm going to change
For me and for you
This is my way of explaining to you who I am...