Papá

It's been a while since you've been gone
And I still haven't said goodbye
Thinking of you has become a punishment
The guilt doesn't go away, it stays here with me

I never dared to tell you, that's why I write to you
At night you appear because I still dream of you
I know I won't see you, forgive me if you can
But you already know me and remembering you hurts

I always wanted to talk to you, help you on your path
Enjoy the few moments I spent with you
But you wouldn't listen, you looked into nothing
And I would leave in silence, seeing your face from afar

I don't know how many sleepless nights in the early morning
I was filled with helplessness not knowing what you were thinking
I've always loved you despite your doubts
In the depths of my eyes, your gaze is always there

I try to be strong but I've cried for you alone
When no one can see me and I don't want to cry now
And I've learned to be brave, I'm not afraid of death
But it's hard to catch my breath when life suffocates me

I wish I had arrived in time
But I saw you fade away alone in that last breath
I know you saw me, we looked at each other, I could understand
You wanted to fly to the end, vanish and get lost in time

I have a stain on my soul that will never be erased
I have immense helplessness, I have thousands of questions
I have anger when I remember and a sadness that overwhelms me
I have your blood and your hands and a deep depression

Tell me why you left us and didn't fight, dad
You left a huge void for my brother, me, and mom
You faded away in my arms, I'll never forget
Today I want to talk to you, for you to listen even though I know you're no longer here

Worker like no other, 14 hours on your back
Always looking out for everyone, with you nothing was missing
You took us to the swamp to sing together
In nights of anxiety to calm me down

You were always there, you were one who never failed
And you said even if the truths hurt to the face
A glance was enough to know what was happening
Man of few words, you spoke with silence

Today I sing to you, content, without more remorse
Just to remind you and not forget that I think of you
With care, so that this song reaches you in heaven
And in case I never told you, that I love you

That your soul is not alone, it's with me all the time
Come down for a while with me with the Spanish guitar
Let's sing like before without the hours passing
Mom loves you, I know because she still cries for you

The silence in the living room has your name engraved
I can see you in the smoke of that extinguished cigarette
In the scent of that last hug we gave each other one day
In our talks about the world and destiny

I can see you in the laughter of that joke you told
In the red sofa at home where you always were
In the bottom of the sink in every drop of wine
I can see you everywhere because you haven't left me

Your last breath was with me and I don't forget that
Your black eyes looking into mine
Today I want to bury all this guilt
That insults me every night and reminds me of your end

I want the questions to end
My hand on your grave
I forgive you and forgive myself
Now we are at peace