Sans (re)pères

The place of a father,
The place of a mother in a family,
The place of two loved ones
Supposed to love each other for life
United by their will, by common feelings
Simply together and we fear nothing
Finally, that's what they say, but not always what we see
I asked why
I was told: 'that's life'
Can I give my opinion?
I have to stay out of it
When love turns into hatred and we tear each other apart in front of me,
That's how it is and it's not otherwise
Understand, so much enthusiasm for the story of my torments
Time evolves,
I faced troubles, I grew up,
Mom is here but dad is gone
And then I understood
That you preferred to turn the page
I wasn't part of the journey,
I believed you were in paradise
Since alcohol wreaks havoc
You didn't recover,
And without even looking back
I saw you drift away from the shore
Is it due to your crappy life?
I don't know for sure,
Became an alcoholic
And you hurt your own
How many times did you upset her?
How many times were you not there?
How many bruises on her arms?
Because when you love, you don't count

You left
Without us being able to say goodbye
In the depths of my heart, everything turned so dark
You left
Without us being able to say goodbye
In the depths of my heart, there is still hope

Oh dad,
If I could, I would have told you: 'don't leave'
I was too young to understand
I had to grow up without you
Even though mom took good care of me
I was missing a reference, a father behind me
I closed my eyes and imagined your face
I just knew you were black given my mixed race
At school they asked me: 'what does your dad do?'
Others laughed when I didn't answer
The day I came across that wedding photo
The puzzle of my life began to come together
I finally knew what you looked like
Impossible to explain the effect it had on me
1990, the phone rings
After the storm, the sun shines
Mom calls me and says: 'someone wants to talk to you'
I just heard 'hello' and I knew who it was'
A few weeks later, there you are in front of me
Is it reality or the dream I live every time?
You stayed for 8 years then you left
You went back to the country

You left
Without us being able to say goodbye
In the depths of my heart, everything turned so dark
You left
Without us being able to say goodbye
In the depths of my heart, there is still hope

Following your departure,
I had to come to terms with it
When she said to my older brother:
'Now you're the man of the house'
She so proud, became the cause of my sorrows,
In front of us as if nothing,
But crying in silence
I would like to stop blaming you,
Contrary to my heart,
An inner resentment of just having a biological father
To all those abandoned
Without a parent's presence
Divorced or deceased
Who just inherited a name

Oh dad,
It took me 4 years to erase my resentment,
We only have one father, we only have one mother
I put aside my pride and joined you there
Tears flowed when you took me in your arms,
I found you, others didn't have that chance
I dedicate this piece to them and share their pain
Those victims of abandonment, divorce, or death
Those who live with a wounded heart