Gradation

I want to see your happy face
I want to help, and sometimes I want to forgive
Shouting and blaming won’t change a thing
If it’s going to hurt you badly, I want to hold back

Those feelings aren’t lies, it’s true
But my feelings aren’t just one-sided
When I’m lost in frustration
And feel like I’m about to drown

Is it faith I’m holding on to, or selfishness?
Is it compassion or self-sacrifice?
We just want to laugh together

It’s like saying thank you wrapped in an apology
Or an apology wrapped in a thank you
The truth that’s intertwined has become a gradation
If I can find love in this ambiguity

I can’t shake off the regret of my mixed signals
I didn’t mean it that way, so what did I mean?
Words I said knowing they’d hurt
I didn’t mean it that way, so what did I mean?

Black and white, right and wrong
It’s not just about extreme choices

None of this is a lie
No one’s a saint here
When I’m lost in frustration
And feel like I’m about to drown

So what now, faith or selfishness?
Compassion or self-sacrifice?
We just want to laugh together

Every reason for joy, every reason for frustration
Every reason for reaching out, it all adds up
Not to cover up my weaknesses
But if I’m going to put on a show, let it be to laugh together

It’s like saying thank you wrapped in an apology
Or an apology wrapped in a thank you
The truth that’s intertwined has become a gradation
If I can find love in this ambiguity
If I can believe it

Surely, surely, surely, surely.