I'm A Lonesome Rider

Now listen to my tale, I'll sing you a song
And I'll try my best, not making it too long
Please folks, treat me kindly, 'cause I'm a little shy
I'm not used to people, I'll tell you why:
I'm a lone-, lonesome rider
It's tough to be a tough guy like me

Mama was Portuguese, and my daddy was from Rome
She was almost a giant, he more like a gnome
They took their marital duties seriously
Mama survived, but daddy, unfortunately
A bit later, I came and said, 'Mama, how are you?'
But Mama was upset and just grumbled, 'Who are you?'
I said: 'A lone-, lonesome rider'
It's tough to be a tough guy like me

Mama didn't mourn long for the poor dead dwarf
Sighed a few times, 'Oh, my husband!' and then she was over the hump
She looked around and soon found the next man
A farmer from Kentucky, who worshipped her, man
Mother listened to his pleas, and she took me by the arm
And we moved to the States, to the guy on the farm
I thought: 'Great, from now on it's just chewing gum instead of drops'
Now you'll finally learn to ride, but farmers are snobs
A Mercedes and a bicycle, that's all that was there
But not a single horse, not even a halter on the wall
Just a cow, I had to tend, as tradition goes
And learn to shoot a bit, just for household use
I'm a lone-, lonesome rider
It's tough to be a tough guy like me

The cow jumped over the fence one day and went on a tour
And ran straight into the Mercedes, heading to the harvest
I already spoke good English back then and told my boss:
'Man, the cow jumped over the fence and rammed your Benz'
He took offense, and he thundered at me:
'Pack your things and get away from here, you son of a gun!'
I hopped on the bike, took only my gun
And rode off towards the West, it was a terrible ride
Through the desert on the bike, rarely cinema, never women
Twenty miles an hour, all the highways up and down
And if someone was dumb, they had no luck with that
I drew the Colt, rode my way, and the other stayed back
I'm a lone-, lonesome rider
It's tough to be a tough guy like me

I reached the Rocky Mountains, that means mountains of stone
And went into a bar there, still alone
I shouted: 'Come on, bring something to drink, guys, or I'll see black for you!'
Ordering in the Rockies is different than in the Harz
Then I saw a girl there, I had never seen before
And she said, 'Come upstairs with me,' and I mumbled, 'Alright'
She kissed me with fire, sometimes even on the face
And said, 'Honey, listen, marble, stone, and iron break
But our love, it will never break apart'
I said, 'Great, cool thing, gotta go now, good bye
If I stay here any longer, I'll break, and fall apart
So, don't cry when it rains, stay healthy, dam-dam'
I'm a lone-, lonesome rider
It's tough to be a tough guy like me

I consciously rode past every obstacle
And thought: This can stay, you're lonely, but free
But the man who supposedly controls everything here
Usually steers things a bit differently than you think
On the way to San Francisco, someone approached me again:
'Hey boy, I need a really tough man for my business'
I neglected to shoot, which is always unwise
And joined his company. Today I'm a manager
Got a wife and a few kids, and my bike is in the stable
Occasionally I oil the Colt, to keep it fresh
I'm happy and content, but I don't get happy
And if no one hears, I sing softly in the office:
'I'm a lone-, lonesome rider
It's tough to be a tough guy like me
It's tough to be a tough guy like me...'