Oma Bella Roma

Because my wife has a weakness for the ancient
She wanted to go to Rome, the Eternal City
Our travel agency had a hot tip:
The so-called 'Cultural City Trip'

When we arrived at the meeting point, pretty much last
The so-called 'Luxury Bus' was already full
We caused a ruckus for about fifteen minutes
And then peacefully took a seat in the toilet

The journey was long, we arrived in Rome at night
Where the so-called 'Program' started immediately:
Typical Roman noodles in a folklore restaurant
With a typical Roman gondolier singing

I won't say anything because I don't want to argue
I'll stuff noodles in my ears and stay quiet
And take them out cautiously only on the bus
On the way to the guesthouse

The tour guide shouts, 'Guys, I didn't do it for free
I had mandolin lessons at Stradivari and Frascati!'
And since Germans are known to be sociable abroad
He takes the guitar, opens the windows, and yells:

'When the bouzouki cries at Lake Maggiore
Grandma beautiful Rome! Oh my love...'
- Yes sir!

He even advised the driver to take off the wheels
Because Italians are known to steal tires at night
The driver, already slightly tipsy, said, 'What's the matter?!?
No one falls for those worn-out things!'

I always say, 'Prejudices are pointless!'
The tires were there in the morning, everything else was gone!
Our tour guide burst into the breakfast tea
And greeted in a typical Italian way: 'Olé!'

That's how we got to enjoy
A city tour in a regular bus
But there was nothing to see but rubble and debris
Wherever we went - everything was broken

I say, 'Looks like right after the war in our country!'
And my wife thinks, the broken, that's the antique
They're crazy, those Romans, I just thought
And the tour guide started again:

'When the bouzouki cries...'
- Yes sir!

While I bit my nails discontentedly
I thought, 'Hopefully the Acropolis comes soon!'
Then on the left, a fancy building made of concrete and glass
And I ask the tour guide, 'Is that it?'

But he's not really listening, the guy is really dumb
Just absentmindedly says, 'By the way, the main train station is over there.'
Well, I find it beautiful, and I find it nice that this city
Has something to offer for every taste

Another peculiarity of Rome
Is the so-called 'St. Peter's Basilica'
When we entered, there was a live show going on
A kind of folk group with singing

Our tour guide, seemingly possessed
Didn't even shut up here, he sang and even danced
Yet no real atmosphere arose in the house
There were hardly any boos, but also little applause...

We continued, because right next door
Is the so-called 'Vatican'
It's a jet-set villa with a swimming pool
And the so-called 'Holy See'

When the bouzouki cries... - mmh
- Yes sir!

I went to the gate, where a so-called 'Swiss Guard' stood
You can recognize him by the smell and the holes in his uniform
I called out, 'Grüezi Uri!' and then asked him
If I could speak to the boss of the operation

'No,' he says, 'He's in hard training at the moment
Muhammad Ali is looking for an opponent for his very last fight.'
I say, 'Ah! Well, I thought so
And is there anyone else there, maybe his son?'

But he doesn't answer and just looks dumb
And I look around the garden a bit
It's not a bad place to live, maybe a job for me
Although: I can't box

Then the tour guide calls out, 'Gentlemen, it's time!
Our bus is back and it's high time!'
Everyone gets their old seat, we were so glad
And we sang in the so-called 'Bathroom':

'When the bouzouki cries at Lake Maggiore
Oh capricious salad! Oh my love!'
- Yes sir!