Teresa y el oso (cuento sinfónico)

For the recording of the symphonic tale Teresa and the Bear by Johann Sebastian Mastropiero, Les Luthiers hired 61 people: 60 orchestra musicians and one zoologist. The limited capacity of the recording studio led to some interesting space solutions: a skinny flutist inside a tuba, the percussionist hugging a bassoon, an oboist in the timpanist's slippers, seven violins in the lobby, the four horns calling in from their homes, and the harpist in the bar across the street, which required bringing her microphone over there and buying her a coffee with milk.
Except for Princess Teresa, who identifies with the string quintet of the symphony, the other characters in Teresa and the Bear are represented by informal instruments played by Les Luthiers.

In order of appearance:

Yellow Bird: Chromatic Silicophone
Wild Boar Ali: Alt-pipe on a stick
Mottled Mollusk: Head-horn
Greedy Butterfly: Dactylophone
Lustful Bear: Glamocot
Rascal Witch: Pneumatic Glisophone
Three Gentle Geese: Kazoos
Base Instincts: Bass-pipe on a stick
Hangover Cow: Love Yerbomatofono

It would have been a quiet autumn morning in the forest, a perfectly ordinary autumn morning, if it weren't for the fact that it was already four in the afternoon and they were in summer.

All the animals had been summoned by Princess Teresa to a clearing in the forest to find out which of them was her fiancé, Duke Sigfrido the Upright.

The duke had been enchanted by the Rascal Witch, who not only transformed him into some animal of the forest but also took away his memory.

The Yellow Bird sang cheerfully. The bird said: "Only the love of the princess can return the duke to human form."
At that moment, Wild Boar Ali showed up. The boar asked: "Is this where the princess is?"
"Yes," said the bird. "We've all been summoned. By the way, here comes the Mottled Mollusk, crawling."
The mollusk asked: "I've lost my shell. Did you see it?"
At that moment, the Greedy Butterfly flew in. "Help!" the butterfly complained, "The Lustful Bear is chasing me!" and the Lustful Bear came running after her.
The bear chased the butterfly, offering her a daisy and reciting a poem that said: "Sublime ecstasy of love, butterfly, that quickens my heartbeats, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, let’s hurry!"
The mollusk intervened. The bear roared: "And what do you want, worthless mollusk?"
"Did you see my shell?"
The moment was seized by the Greedy Butterfly, who hid with the help of the Yellow Bird.

It had been three moons since the witch had enchanted the duke. The beautiful Princess Teresa wandered in search of him, lamenting her fate. Her faithful Gentle Geese accompanied her in silence.

The bird announced: "The princess is coming! How sad she is!" and the princess appeared.
Then, the Rascal Witch appeared. The witch mocked: "You’ll never know what animal I turned the duke into! He doesn’t even remember anything, ha ha ha!"

The princess cried out: "Where are you, Sigfrido, Sigfrido? What kind of animal are you?"

The geese comforted the princess: "Calm down!" said the little gander, "Stay calm," added the sturdy goose, "Everything will be fine," said the old gander.
"Did you see my shell?"

Suddenly, the sturdy goose let out a cry of indignation, slapped a huge gander next to her, and ran off. The huge gander was none other than... the Lustful Bear in disguise!, who ran after the goose offering her a daisy, shouting, "Sublime ecstasy of love, little goose, let’s go, let’s hurry!"
The geese rushed to help the sturdy goose, and the princess was left alone.
"I must not falter," the princess told herself, "I must not falter, I must find the duke," but at that moment, the princess's base instincts kicked in: "Forget the duke. Remember the hugs from that strapping stable boy from the palace."
"But I must fulfill my duty."
"What if something goes wrong and the spell only half breaks? The duke could end up half-animal..."
"Well, in that regard, the stable boy is the same..."

While this was happening in the forest, let’s see what was going on at a peaceful nearby farm.
The farmer, whistling absentmindedly, was milking the Hangover Cow. The cow was ruminating her thoughts... and other flowers she had eaten that morning. "How strange!" thought the Hangover Cow, "this is the first time I’ve been milked in the afternoon..." and she looked at the farmer. Hangover let out a moo and ran off. The farmer was none other than... the Lustful Bear in disguise!, who began to chase her, offering her a daisy, shouting, "Sublime ecstasy of love, little cow, let’s go, let’s hurry!"

In the forest, the princess, helped by the Gentle Geese, had questioned almost all the animals, but she hadn’t been able to find out which of them was the duke. A sad dismay filled the princess.

Suddenly, the geese, seeing the bird and the butterfly arrive, bellowed: "You two, what were you doing the night the duke was enchanted?" "Nothing, nothing." "Confess!" (wedding march) "Well, yes, but we’re getting married." Another failure. Another sad dismay filled the princess.

Teresa raised her beautiful eyes, as if imploring help from those around her. Until her gaze crossed with that of Wild Boar Ali. "Look! Yes, yes, there’s no doubt!" said the princess, "the boar has the same look as the duke!" The boar, in a gloomy voice declared: "That’s because I’m not a boar." "Oh!" "I am...!" "He is...!" "A cursed duke." "The duke Sigfrido!" "No, the duke of Mantua." "And what are you doing here?" asked the surprised princess. "I was thrown out of Rigoletto!" The last possibility had failed. Another sad dismay filled the princess.

Suddenly, from the thicket emerged the Lustful Bear and exclaimed: "Wait! Seeing Teresa made me regain my memory! Now I understand the cause of my shameful debauchery! I’ve been a victim of a cruel spell! Thank you, my love, for coming to save me! I am Duke Sigfrido!" Saying this, the bear picked a daisy, and seeing the joy on Princess Teresa's face, he triumphantly approached her. The bear offered the daisy to the princess, but at that moment, the Rascal Witch intervened, and with a tragic air shouted: "You are not the duke, fraud! I can’t stand this outrage. I’m not cut out to be a witch! I do it to please my family. Duke Sigfrido is the mollusk," and the witch left crying, while the bear, moved, ran after her, offering her the daisy.
Everyone congratulated the mollusk, who slowly approached the princess like a duke. As the mollusk thanked the applause, Teresa lovingly took him and gently placed him on the palm of her hand. And to Teresa's astonishment and effort, the mollusk began to transform into a tall, handsome young man: Duke Sigfrido.

There are Sigfrido and Teresa, with their hearts intertwined, looking at each other's hands and their eyes beating in unison. And they begin their triumphant return to the palace. The animals escort them in a euphoric procession.

Everyone dances joyfully. And there they go, leading the procession, the duke, the princess, and her dazzling lady-in-waiting who is none other than... in disguise, the Lustful Bear.