Annapurnas

Since when did happiness become
a long-term project?
Sorry for sounding so bitter
I hate being like this
This morning I woke up alone again
At least I've survived
And I haven't found measures
No, I still don't have measures
To overcome the Annapurna
Of waking up every day
Of taking a breath
I raise the blinds
The light hurts
And I see the ashes on the floor
The sun behind the glass
It's just the fear of being alone
Not finding peace and
Stop using other people
To heal myself
To forget you
Let's leave it at a poetic goodbye
Another failed escape
But this time it will be forever

At least I know we will write a good story
The one who lives permanently in defeat
It's Kashmir, velvet
Feeling the cold on the back of the neck or losing memory
Finding shelter under one's own rain
And every time it's harder for me to pretend
I want to say that life is worth it
But the truth is I'm not in the mood
That everything always remains just in words for me
That I come back home mixing
The desire to see you with the desire to forget you
And I don't know anymore when I stopped caring
About coming home alone
Wishing for a body, some hands
Some affection
Putting an expiration date on unhappiness, on my fears
And I know my lies are more like wishes
That I still see the scene from afar
That it's getting harder and harder for me to pretend