Die Philosoffen

The man Aristotle
was dumb, but I'll tell you:
He played philosopher
and asked like Little-Dumb:
'Why is something there,
that wasn't there before?
Hm...that surely has a reason!'
Thank you very much for this find.
A man, named Diogenes,
who did something rude:
He, as everyone knows,
threw himself away.
So he lived with joy
in a thick barrel
and that was a real hit-
today every bum does it.

The philosophers were all drunk!
This is no joke and no envy:
They were wasted, all the time.
The philosophers were all drunk!
If you just read their texts briefly,
you'll notice they chugged vodka.
Truth is in the late hours
just a bottomless barrel.
But to be honest:
That gives me hope,
that one achieves something in life,
when one drinks!

A man, Schopenhauer,
really pisses me off:
He had a will,
but couldn't satisfy it.
He thought it was bullshit,
that the world is as it is.
Well, that's clear to us all-
Schopi made that a hit.
A man named Hegel,
he was a real rascal:
he could mean something
and deny it at the same time.
He contradicted himself constantly.
That was considered very clever,
and this hectic contradiction
was grandly called 'Dialectics'.

The philosophers were all drunk!
They looked truth in the face
and were completely wasted.
The philosophers were all drunk!
If you just read their works briefly,
you'll see how thinkers empower themselves:
With a deep look into the glass -
in wine, there is truth!
But to be honest:
That gives me hope,
that life goes better
when one drinks!

A man -that was Plato-
let me tell you about him,
he wanted something from Socrates,
but Socrates forbade it.
So Plato invented love,
that comes without desires -
well, how is that supposed to work now?!
In drunkenness, ideas arise!

The philosophers were all drunk!
They were full to the brim,
that's called 'sober mind'.
The philosophers were so drunk!
If you just read their writings briefly,
you'll notice they probably smoked weed:
First roll a big joint
and then see the truth.
But to be honest:
That doesn't give hope,
I'm affected
and could get into a fight,
because it suddenly becomes clear to me,
what the root of the problem was -
that's why everything went wrong
and they started drinking,
no matter how smart they were:
They were missing something.
Well, what was that?
Well, what? Yes, exactly: A...

...Woman is hardly found
in philosophy, but honestly,
it would be a lie
to say: Women don't do drugs. And yet something is different
than with men. Yeah, man, what could
that be?
I think and think...
Now I need a drink first!