Martes 13

What a shitty day, the sky's all cloudy
And I was looking forward to catching some sun
On top of that, the neighbor's dog ran into my yard
It tore up a garbage bag, and also wrecked a chair

Whatever, I’ll fix it later, but I don’t feel like it now
I’m heading to the corner store to grab something for breakfast
I grab some cereal, some oranges, some apples
But I didn’t see the wet floor, and I slipped back

I wake up in the ambulance, what the hell is going on?
They say I hit my neck, that I need to chill
I’m not calming down at all, let me out of here, through punches
And kicks, I managed to escape

I start walking to the bus stop
When someone yells at me
"Wolty, dude, I’m gonna kill you!"
With a knife in hand, and a twisted look
He lunged at me, trying to stab me

I ran like hell, I got lucky as hell
The cat was chasing me, I didn’t know where to hide
I quickly ducked into a hotel, took the elevator, 7th floor
As soon as I was going up, suddenly it stopped and I thought, no
The power went out, damn it, plus I had no signal, and no one
Was coming to help me, I heard screams outside, I started to panic
So I climbed out through the roof, like I saw in those American movies

I step out of the elevator, and I couldn’t believe it, an apocalypse
Zombie, and I’m stuck in a hotel
I quickly duck into a room, so they can’t see me, but they heard me
Those zombies wanted to eat me

I barricaded the door as best I could, and started to search
I found a katana, it was a Samurai's room
So I came out all geared up, started to slice them up
Arms and legs were flying, and that’s how I started to go down

I reached the ground floor, there was the dude with the knife
But turned into a zombie, guess he wasn’t so clever
He came at me again, damn crazy zombie, and chop-chop-chop
I sliced him like a quince

I burst out of the building, quickly stole a motorcycle, and
I hit 180, the monsters couldn’t catch me
One got in my way, and I couldn’t even dodge
I crashed into him, flew off, and headfirst into the river

I started swimming, couldn’t waste any time
While I heard a sound
Something coming from the sky, I looked up, and a UFO
I saw it abducting me with its lights, I couldn’t move a finger

I wake up in a room, hear something approaching
There were two aliens, speaking some weird language
They took me to their boss, who was pretty scary
And kept me as a pet for a few weeks

I earned their trust, because I behaved really well
And over time, they let me out of the cage
As soon as I had one foot out, I smashed the guard's face
I grabbed the weapon, and to the boss, 'Bam', shot in the leg

Now you’re my hostage, it’s not so funny anymore
I’m really pissed off, dude, now you’re taking me with your crew
He took me to all of them, and in front of their army
I blew their brains out, and said I’m the one in charge

I became the boss of planet Birig Bamba
And took them to Earth, to reclaim it
We started killing zombies with Gamma technology
And saved Earth from the terror that was lurking

But there was nothing left, all the humans were dead
I went back to Birig Bamba, really pissed off, of course
I ordered the smartest scientists in the empire
To quickly build me a time machine

I also ordered them an antidote for Earth
So those damn zombies couldn’t live there
They did everything, and I said goodbye to them
And that’s how I went back in time, to the day this all started

And there I was, seeing the trash the dog tore up
I walked over and said to myself
Sorry, Wolty, see you
I had to kill myself, there can’t be two of us
I injected the antidote into the ground and goodbye to the dead

There couldn’t be zombies anymore, but I was missing the UFO
I took a bazooka, to see if they were coming for me
I saw them appear, and said, alright, goodbye buddies
I shot a bazooka at them and they exploded like in 2000

Alright, problem solved, I went back home
Picked up the trash, and buried my body
I lay down in bed, because I was already tired
And slept really deep, knowing what I had done