Ramona

I contemplated for the last time that plain
And there, surrounded by the deepest of voids
I didn't feel sadness
For a moment I thought I felt nothing
And I almost had to squint a little
And look, unfocusing as much as possible
Hoping the landscape would turn
Into an old familiar road full of stones
That they once fixed, where you no longer stumble
But that, nevertheless, paved
Has lost all its charm

When I closed the door, none of that came out with me
The photos in front of that painted (inside)
The feeling of having created a family (inside)
The missing, stopping sucking fingers (inside)
The agony of not seeing him (inside)
The peace of feeling lonely (inside)
Inside, the post-its, the radio at eight (inside)
The feet dragging (inside)
The broken kisses, the magnets from exotic trips (inside)
The showcase full of memories that I don't want now

Then my pulse trembled
When I told my doorwoman to stop telling my life to the neighbors
When she denied everything, I knew she was lying
I felt good

I understand it's fun to talk about me
Comment if I have many or few friends
Imagine how I fuck and with how many
Think about all the shit I have to put up with
How I change if I'm not wearing makeup
That at eight in the morning with a bun I look different
She will remember how she was a good doorwoman
And I how I was a good person
And that she didn't tell me the things the neighbors said about me
Those who didn't complain about me
Those with whom she never spoke ill of me
But when I crossed the door, none of that came out with me

The fake hug and their lies to my face (inside)
The voices that told me they called me a whore
Her crazy eyes when she imitated me (inside)
The smell of sulfur emanating from my veins (inside)
The feeling of being sunk and victorious (inside)
The desire for a shower that would wash away the struggle from the body

The worst was concentrating so much anger inside me
That it ended up in front of the best lasagna in the neighborhood
While I thought it was the world hating me
Although it was me who was wishing to annihilate it
And with the desire for that shower to remove the smell of the body's struggle
I started crying with so much rage that my eyes swelled
As if the tears couldn't come out completely
And only then did I realize
That I would have said goodbye to a place
Without ever feeling it that way

And how I closed the door and left the keys inside
So deep inside